I’ve seen A LOT of these “Things to Know Before” articles: before dating a nerd, strong woman, body builder; before starting college; before getting married; before adopting; blah, blah, blah… The list goes on and on.
And yes, I acknowledge my own writing is very similar but… at least I came up with a slightly more original title. Small Victories!
On to the Point:
This is not a Things to Know Before article. This is not even a rule.
Why mess with getting into a relationship with a woman that comes with so many COMPLICATIONS?
I’d like to point out EVERYONE HAS COMPLICATIONS!
For many it might be crazy parents or maybe it’s no family at all. A crazy Ex. Divorce. Bankruptcy. A suicide attempt. A bad reputation.
EVERYONE HAS BAGGAGE.
And guess what? As a couple, you’re going to pick up some more baggage together: death, unemployment, illness, miscarriage, relocation.
No matter what you choose to do in life, Life is going to fuck with your plan. Life is going to screw with you and knock you down and kick you in the teeth every once in a while.
We’ve all got some shit.
Now, do you tuck your bankruptcy in a night, go to your divorces school plays and kiss booboos for that “oh god what was I thinking?” thing you did? Probably not. But to get biblical – Don’t throw the first stone. Lest you be judged. Glass houses. Fuck ass. And what not. (Yes, that was a Boondocks Saints reference. Congratulations, if you caught that!)
I promised a point didn’t I?
What do you gain in a relationship with a Single Mother?
1. She’ll be the Mickey to your Rocky and Vice Versa
She’ll cheer you on. She’ll push you to do your best. She’ll call you out on your shit.
She’s too old and too tired to put up with the nonsense any more but if you prove you’ve got the heart she’ll have you’re corner against the biggest, meanest Russian you can find.
2. She knows how to enjoy life
Whether life is going her way or not, she’s learned to take it in stride and enjoy. These women learned to fake a smile for their kids but eventually those smiles somehow become real.
This ability to smile in the face of anything is a strength hard to come by. More importantly it’s infectious! Single moms don’t have time to wallow; they don’t have time for drama or bullshit. They’re going to enjoy everything!
There will be no pity parties.
3. She gets it.
Being a single parent is like the ultimate “overbearing, dominating relationship” you can imagine. As a single mom, you crave the peace of a long bath, the fun of a treasured girls night out, an uninterrupted conversation. Those quiet hours after bedtime are for adult conversation, catching up on chores and doing all the things she just didn’t have time for while us kids were up.
So she’ll completely understand your Poker Nights, Man Cave, or Jam Sessions. Single mothers understand the value of independence, individuality and friendship. They understand that relationships and friendships do not satisfy the same human needs. They’ll understand your obsession with Tuesday night jam sessions in your buddy’s basement because they’ve been there. (Well, hopefully, not literally “in your buddy’s basement” but you get what I’m saying.)
Furthermore, she’ll actually enjoy the time you are away as much as the time you are together. She’s gotten used to alone time – her sanity probably depends on it a little. So those evenings you’re out will not only be understood but she’ll encouraged.
4. She is an Equal.
These women have taken care of themselves AND other human beings. They’ve been Head of Households. The Bread Winners. They’ve brought home the bacon and cooked it too. They’ve done it all. They can manage every aspect of life.
They can even kill spiders, unclog a toilet and take out the trash.
5. She’ll choose you.
I don’t mean she’ll choose you over her kids… I mean She chooses You.
Because she’s survived, paid the bills, balanced kids and a full time job, dinner and bath and bedtimes, a single mom is able to enter into a relationship with a completely different understanding than most singles.
She knows she doesn’t need you. That she has, can and will be fine without you. But she wants you. She chooses you. She chooses – willingly and mindfully – to be with you and to let you into the family that she treasures and protects more than anything.
6. She’s not going to say “Just wait until your father/stepfather/etc. gets home”
Guess what? These women have rocked the disciplinary role of the house. They don’t need to instill the fear of anyone to get their kids to listen or understand what’s going on.
You don’t have to step into disciplining us because you’re a “step dad.” She’s got this. She’s got us.
7. We’ll be you’re Jay to your Silent Bob
(Last movie reference I promise) And yes this has a vice versa to it as well!
Single mothers and their kids are a whole unique adventure all to their own and like no other. We have quirks and phrases you won’t understand at first. Sometimes we’re loud and crazy and getting into trouble… and we’re going to drag you along for the fun. You may be content watching the world and standing against the wall but if you get the chance to join one of these families you’re getting a partner in adventures you had no idea were even possible.
Like spending an entire evening filling 2,000 water balloons.
Putting pixie stick powder on ice cream cones.
Dressing up as Power Rangers for Trick or Treat – Yes, my mother was the Pink Ranger!
The vice versa – you get to be her Jay. Single Mothers are constantly having to consider all the options, responsibilities, budgets, and scheduling. When it is just the two of you, you have the opportunity to take her on adventures and expose her to things! Take her to the punk shows, to museums, mosh pits, whatever it is you enjoy – the things she’s never allowed herself the opportunity to experience.
Single mothers are tough cookies; there’s no two ways about it. They’ll smile (and maybe even blush) if you buy them a drink but they’re also going to buy the next round because guess what?
She wants you to know the kind of women you’re talking to.