Because I would not dream of not giving full credit where credit is due – especially to idiots – I will be giving as full and credited version of these articles as possible!
Now, I love a good piece of satire but I will be addressing these articles under the assumption that they are not satirical – The purpose of satire is to use irony, humor, or exaggeration to criticize something in reality. That means even if these articles are meant to ridicule the perception of single mothers in the dating world, they are also emphasizing the problems and stereotypes they face.
MY RETORTS, COMMENTS, and ADDITIONS ARE IDENTIFIED AS BOLD ITALIC!!!
You can find this article lovingly titled “8 Essential Rules For Banging A Single Mom” at http://www.returnofkings.com/31153/8-essential-rules-for-banging-a-single-mom
dated April 8, 2014 by an author identified as SharpShooter.
Return of Kings can also be found on Twitter and Facebook
8 Essential Rules For Banging A Single Mom
Men here know there are countless reasons dating a single mother is a terrible idea. Any man who unwittingly wanders into the clutches of one of these harpies is doomed from the start. Once she has her talons in him he’s stuck raising another man’s offspring and before he knows it, she’s off looking for an alpha fux (her ex in a lot of cases) to compliment her beta bux. A no win situation for the poor sap.
But every once in a blue moon we run into a baby mama that not only passes the boner test, she has the art of mimicking a quality woman down pat. She’s feminine, takes care of her body, and seems to know her way around a kitchen. Now before you guys start frothing at the mouth let me be clear: I will never advocate commiting to, dating, or God forbid, marrying these women. But if you absolutely must tangle with these tarts or are just starting out in game and looking for quick and easy lays to get your feet wet, here are 8 rules to follow to get what you want out of them (easy sex) without ending up like this…
8. Do not completely avoid giving off provider vibes
First off, I’m not suggesting that you act like Captain Save-A-Hoe. What I am suggesting is that giving off a bit of a provider vibe every so often can work in your favor. The reason is that the most important trait to an SM when
hunting for a target looking for a man is his ability to provide for her children. When her radar picks up that provider signal she’s desperately looking for she’ll do anything to lock you down. Blowjobs on command, back massages, after-sex sandwiches, strip teases, you name it. She’ll pull out all the stops to show you what a fantastic and unique and amazing woman she is in hopes of getting a commitment from you. Of course you’re not looking for commitment or anything close to it but she doesn’t know that and as long as she thinks there’s a chance for it she’ll continue to chase that carrot like a starving jack rabbit.
You Almost Get It: Single mothers already have people (their children) depending on them. These women are already responsible for the emotional, financial, and physical well-beings of other human beings. Single moms ALREADY WORK hard enough to take care of their families without taking in immature, jobless men.
SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
7.Never babysit for ANY amount of time
“I need to run in for cigarettes. Can you watch Timmy while I run in?” DON’T DO IT. Watching Timmy for four minutes will turn into watching him, his spoiled rotten sister, and his kid brother who needs his ADD medication every 30 minutes on a while she and her slutty friends have girl’s night out.
Nip this in the bud the first time she tries it because this is also a shit test. Fail it and you’re done. If she raises hell about it, next her. There are plenty of hot sluts out there without any snot nosed baggage.
Where to Begin: The children of single mothers do not all have behavioral issues, ADD. Having a single mother doesn’t mean you’re a spoiled, ill behaved, mannerless child – That’s having Bad Parent(s). Additionally, no one with any sense of decency is going to ask someone they do not significantly know and trust to watch their children.
I WOULDN’T TRUST YOU TO TAKE CARE OF MY CACTUS LET ALONE A CHILD.
6. Turn her into a bowling ball
Regardless of how hot a single mom is, her SMV is lowered because she has children. They would never verbally acknowledge this in public but they know the score. Not having much else to bring to the table she will concentrate her efforts in the bedroom to balance the baggage created by her rug rats. Take full advantage of this—turn her into a bowling ball and penetrate all three of her luscious holes. She will gladly participate in any debauchery your dirty mind can dream up to keep you around. Anal sex, parking lot blow jobs, sex tapes, and nude pictures are just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing is off limits and neither are any of her orifices.
Must NOT Think About My Mother Here: To be realistic single mothers may be better in bed. Most have developed the maturity, strength, experience and confidence – similar to Cougars. These women know what they want, aren’t afraid to ask, and are no longer shy about their sexuality.
THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEIR SLUTS! OR THAT YOU CAN ABUSE THEM LIKE AN OVERPAID CRACK WHORE IN A CORNER ALLEY.
5. The very first time she withholds sex, NEXT HER
A single mother withholding sex from you is a mathematical inevitability. The reason for this is that they’re used to their vaginas being pedestalized by betas so they underestimate your need for sex. With this in mind, they attempt to pull this all-too-familiar power move to gain control of the “relationship.” But a man like you has options and if you don’t tolerate the hot, childless 22 year old putting your dick on detention, putting up with it from a 31 year old with a couple whipper snappers is a joke.
The first time she attempts to close her cooch for any reason simply stand up, smirk at her, say “It’s been fun” and walk out the door never to be seen or heard from again. This is your only move in this scenario.
No-Means-No: Every individual, men and women, have the right to SAY NO TO SEX. Demanding sex in order to continue a relationship is abuse.
4. Use her as a fuck buddy, nothing more
Single mothers make great fuck buddies. They’re unselfish in the sack and available all the time (watch how quickly they can find a last minute babysitter when alpha cock is calling). But making her anything other than a coitus companion is a huge mistake. As soon as she gets the idea that she’s anything more than a moist hole for your salty swimmers she’ll expect to be treated like a girlfriend thinking you’ve finally taken the bait.
“How ’bout the occasional coffee date?” Nope. Bang buds are for banging, not having romantic little chats over lattes with.
“What about watching a movie at her place?” Two conditions: 1) Her kids aren’t there. 2) It leads to sex. Bounce like a bad check when the dirty deed is done.
“Friends with benefits?” Negative. She is not your friend and you ain’t givin’ her benefits. Leave that to her orbiters and the government.
Giving an SM any allowance of your time, money, or attention only leads to trouble. Underestimating her ability to weasel her way into your resources would be a gross misstep on your part. Don’t give her that opportunity. Fuck buddy is the only status she deserves.
Oh Go To Hell: Just because they have children doesn’t mean they can’t have morals or standards. Not all single mothers are on welfare or receive child support. She doesn’t need “your resources.”
SHE DESERVES TO JUDGED BASED ON HER CHARACTER.
3. Do not get close to her children
Children of single mothers are yearning for a strong male presence and as soon as one makes an appearance, they latch on and don’t let go. Who can blame them? When a child looks up to you, mimics you, and gives you a hero’s welcome whenever you walk in the door it really has an effect on you. I know this from personal experience.
Do yourself a favor and do not connect with her children. Avoiding them all together is probably the best course of action. This should be quite easy as there is usually a custody order in place which requires them to spend a couple nights a week with dad. Schedule your trysts with her on nights when he’s got the kids and this shouldn’t be an issue.
Actually You’re KINDA RIGHT: If you are only interested in screwing a single mom and have no interest in a relationship, save everyone the trouble and don’t meet her children.
DON’T LIE TO HER OR HER CHILDREN ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS.
And You’re WRONG: Many children of single mothers still have a healthy, close relationship with their fathers. Not only will they not all come running to you like a Long Sought Man/Savior, most will reject, fight and rebel against like crazy.
2. Do not pay for anything
This one is simple, gents. There is absolutely no need to take out your wallet for a woman who gets food and shelter from the government, financial favors from white knights, and monthly payments from the father(s) of her child(ren). Period.
At Least You knew Not To Say Gentlemen: Not all single mothers life on government assistance, child support, charity and sex hungry white knights. Not everyone receiving these types of assistance are single mothers nor are they all drug addicts, illegals, whores, lazy, trash, etc.
1. Do not get into an LTR with her
As obvious as this is there are a lot of men out there who don’t understand that single mothers are damaged women that make terrible significant others so let me sum this up as succinctly as possible: a single mother wants nothing more than to trap a beta to provide for her children so she doesn’t have to. As soon as she secures a commitment from said provider via shared residence, marriage, etc., she assumes her children are taken care of. On this assumption she then goes on the hunt for alpha cock to take care of herself, thus, satisfying her hypergamy.
Believing anything different will lead to your undoing.
You Don’t Deserve One Anyway: If anyone treats another human being as poorly as you have instructed above, they don’t deserve a Long Term Relationship with anyone. Especially not my mother, or any of the other amazing single mothers I’ve met in my life.
Single mothers are at the bottom of the totem pole as far as LTR material goes but they do make excellent pussy pals if you know what you’re doing. Her mission in life is to lock down a beta provider for her young at all costs. This makes gaming them is child’s play and they will often treat you much better than their younger, hotter, childless competition. As long as you understand what they really want out of you and treat them accordingly, you’ll have no shortage of these venturesome vixens willing to suck the life out of you for a chance at that social and financial security they so richly deserve.
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